a rebel without a clue

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Holy cats everybody, it’s 2014! So I’m definitely not really into writing about resolutions and that kind of thing, because personally, I try to set goals for myself throughout the year and not just as the new year begins.. So I’ll skip that part and get right to the point! Over the holidays, I had lots and lots of time to see all kinds of new movies that are out. So instead of reviewing my year, I’ll give you my opinion on a few that I’ve seen lately.. and if you don’t care.. well, get out of here then! Anyway, I’ll start with the most recent and work my way backwards.


First up, THE WOLF OF WALL STREET. Okay, so like most other women, I was in this purely to see Leonardo Di Caprio looking fine as wine. (which he totally did.. it’s like he doesn’t age!) But anyway. Upon walking into the theater, I was given a very grim sort of warning as the clerk selling me the ticket told me that many people have asked for a refund due to its sexual content as well as its vulgarity. So of course this made me want to see the movie even more! I’m not going to put any spoilers in this blog because that’s not really fair, especially if you read them unknowingly. I really didn’t know anything about this movie going in besides the title implies that he’s someone working on Wall Street and now I know there is lots of sex, or at least enough to offend some moms in New Berlin. Coming in just around 3:00 — this movie kept my attention the entire time. There was not one moment that I was getting restless or wanting it to be over. Was it crude, vulgar and have tons and tons of inappropriate things like drug use, hookers and sex? Yes. But so do lots of other movies. I would definitely say this is a MUST SEE for any movie lover (who’s an adult.. obviously. THERE ARE HOOKERS.)

american hustle

Next, AMERICAN HUSTLE. Alright, so this movie has been hyped up the past couple of months. I was pretty unsure about what to expect after seeing Bradley Cooper with a Jheri curl in the previews. But let’s be real, the second I saw Jennifer Lawrence was in it.. I was hooked. ::sigh:: GIRL CRUSH ::sigh:: So once again, I didn’t know too much, except that it is about a group of con men / women. I don’t know what’s up with movies going back to being over 2 hours long, but this one also was 2.5 hours.. which once again, was fine with me. It had a star-studded cast that surely didn’t disappoint. There were a few slow moments, but overall, this movie definitely has some Oscar contenders in it. It was a great balance of thrill, comedy and drama all rolled into one. See it.


Like the child that I am, I also saw FROZEN. Okay, so before you judge me, the main character is voiced by Idina Menzel, who is my all-time favorite Broadway star / singer. She played Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west sort of character in Wicked) and basically rules at life. Plus, she was married to Taye mother freaking Diggs. So besides the fact that I seemed like a child predator going to see a Disney movie with my other 24 year-old friends, it was pretty dang cute. Yes, I just said dang cute like I am a 40 year-old mom from the south. (I wish I was from the south.. that would rule. I probably would’ve gotten away with saying darn tootin’) But yes. Maybe if you’re a childless adult and don’t want to seem creepy like I felt, wait for it to come out on DVD, but seriously, super cute.


Lastly, I went to see THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY. Ben Stiller, despite his cheesy roles and over the top acting, is a pretty funny dude. He seems like one of those people you could just be friends with and joke with in real life. I realistically have no idea if he really is like that, but he sure seems like it. Anyway, this movie was directed by the man himself, Ben Stiller. I have to say. He did a great job reigning in his usually hyperbolic self. Sometimes that gets to be a little too much or it’s so ridiculous it’s funny, but in this particular film, it was balanced perfectly. Of course there were unrealistic scenes, I mean, it’s the movies.. all of this shit is unrealistic.. but it was definitely a feel good type of movie that would bring up anyone’s spirits.

All in all, the movies that are out right now are pretty freaking awesome, so if you are bored, or you get the chance.. go check one of this out. Or don’t. Whatever.


This past weekend I did some traveling for two of my good friends wedding. I’ve never been to a destination wedding, so despite the beautiful -20 degree temperature, I begrudgingly boarded the plane to Miami.. end destination Key West. Over the course of the 72 hours I was there, I learned many lessons.. so I thought I would share my wealth of knowledge with you all.. You’re welcome.

1. Moving walkways in airports are the best fucking invention.. EVER. Seriously. You feel important, like you’re really going places in life.. Here you are zipping around the airport like you have somewhere to be and people should be bowing down before you. Get out of my way! I’m in the fast lane! When realistically, you have to do like 90% less walking which is always a plus in my book but you’re just getting to the terminal faster to sit around and wait.


2. O’Hare sucks except for their light up hallway. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chicago just fine. I’m just bitter that I had to walk like 8,000 miles in the airport because it was “too early” and the shuttles weren’t running to other concourses.. like what do I think this is? an airport that is open 24 hours a day.. my mistake. However, the light up walkway gives you the experience of a great LSD trip for a few minutes without even having to take one step (see above example).


3. Why do people take up so many seats at the gate when there is obviously limited space?! Now this one REALLY drives me nuts. People being rude in general makes me mad, but why do you just stare at someone when they are walking around looking for a place to wait for the plane to show up as you’re taking up 10 seats with your iPad, Starbucks cup, fanny pack, magazines and every other stupid piece of crap you brought with you on the plane. I mean, you’re right.. don’t get too close to anyone.. God forbid you’d have to sit next to them. It’s not like you’re getting on an airplane in 10 minutes with negative personal boundaries and space anyway. Resolution: MOVE YOUR SHIT. BE POLITE. JEEZE.


4. Key West is the Mecca of cats. I know there is a cat craze going on right now, so hopefully I’m not giving away some sort of unknown secret. So if you love cats, get there. Like yesterday.


5. Falling asleep on the beach the day you get on a plane is not ideal. 2 hours in the morning sun of Miami = LOBSTER SKIN. SERIOUSLY.

Photo on 2-25-13 at 4.39 PM

6. Singing Wheels on the Bus over the airplane speaker system is not something that just happens in the movies. This is no joke. A 2.5 hour flight with a screaming baby does weird things to people.. like force them to sing nursery rhymes over the PA forcing the whole plane to join in and start clapping when the baby stops crying. Seriously. I’m not even making this up.

the wheels on the bus1

7. Rerouting flights can be a blessing and a curse. Direct flight in 20 minutes? Did I win the lottery?! Heck yes I’ll take it. Oh wait, I’m still in a bathing suit and sundress flying to Chicago in February. Oops. Too late now. That was one cold flight.


So in the true spirit of myself, I have no shame in going places alone. The movies, a restaurant, the mall (which I prefer).. but anyway, this weekend it was a concert. I wanted to support a cool cat who’s band was playing their last show, so I didn’t want to miss out. I wasn’t very familiar with the venue, but no big deal — throw on a mini-skirt and you’re ready for any concert.. WRONG. So I knew it was mostly a punk, metal type of show, which I’ve been to before, but for whatever reason I was totally unprepared for this experience.

First of all, the venue was the size of a handicap bathroom in the mall.. which as you can imagine creates for close quarters. Pssh, mingling with people? No big deal right? Boom, wrong again. I made the mistake of showering before I went there and immediately became an outsider. The guy standing directly in front of me was looking quite dapper in his cut-off jean jacket / jorts combo, and his eau du B.O., boy was I sold. By the time we got to the headbanging part I could barely keep myself from touching this hottie. Literally. He was hot, sweaty and I couldn’t move. Awesome.

In between bands, it was time to catch a break. Outdoor patios seem cool right? WHY AM I SO STUPID. Standing outside at least I met a couple new people and got offered drugs. I mean, normally I love taking things strangers give me, but with this recent zombie-eat-your-face-off-bath-salts thing going on.. I wasn’t so keen on the offer and politely declined. If you’ve ever seen the episode of It’s Always Sunny where Frank and Charlie do acid and get stuck in a mobile home’s bathroom / garbage can.. I feel like a situation like that would have occurred.

Knowing nothing about metal really, I didn’t realize the styles could be so drastically different. The first band was.. uhhhh, demonic? I don’t even know how to describe it. Seriously. All that I know is I should have brought ear plugs (I’m still having a hard time hearing). According to their site they play “emotive” music but I’m not sure what they are trying to evoke.. intense feeling of… fear? Well, I don’t know.. the next metal band was classified as “Doom Metal”. Now, what that means.. I have no idea. According to the trusty source of Wikipedia.. it means: Doom metal is an extreme form of heavy metal music that typically uses slower tempos, low-tuned guitars and a much ‘thicker’ or ‘heavier’ sound than other metal genres. Both the music and the lyrics intend to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom. WTF. That is so scary! I’m a horror movie junkie, so I guess it would fit well with that, but jeeze.. who is in the business of creating music that makes people feel dread and despair?!

Overall, the music wasn’t bad and my friend’s band rocked it.. but some lessons I learned were:

1. Thigh high fishnets are totally appropriate to wear to a metal concert. 

2. Don’t bother showering for at least a week before attending. 


4. Black on black on black clothing. Or jorts. 

5. Get dreadlocks you can whip people in the face with when you are headbanging.

(or get fake one’s like Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows)