Living in Wisconsin this day comes each year and I’m always patiently waiting for it.. the first sight of snowflakes. Now I’m sure there’s a pretty even split between residents here that love the snow and those who dread this day. I’m part of the crazy half of that group that loves loves loves it .. probably almost too much. Look, I understand that there are plenty of reasons to dislike the snow (primarily that it’s really really cold outside and it causes people to drive like jackasses) but there are so many reasons to go cuckoo for the snow!
1. It is a great excuse for pretty much everything. Late for work? Blame the snow. Don’t feel like going somewhere? Say your car is stuck. Want to sleep in? Say the snowstorm knocked out your power.
2. Being a great excuse it also provides for SNOW DAYS! Being an adult with one of those things called a job or whatever provides for many less snow days than when I was in school, however, if enough people can’t make it into the office or if you “don’t feel safe” you can always work from the comfort of your cozy bed! SCORE!
3. Winter sports are pretty much the greatest thing ever. Who has ever gone sledding and not had a good time? Okay.. probably lots of people.. but it made for a good story right?! If you don’t have a good story, I’ll tell you one to cheer you up if you’re a snow hater.
One year, my dad decided he was going to try out snowboarding (hilarious in itself, right?) If you don’t know my dad personally, let me tell you, he’s not the smallest dude ever. As we stood at the top of the hill in Humboldt Park, he was ready to go, stuffed our little white poodle dog, Beau (RIP) in his jacket and set off down the hill. So this park has the best hills in the area for sledding, so kids like to build stuff like jumps to catch some air and more than likely break your back.. So I’m sure you can see where this is going.. My dad was headed straight for the jump and had no time to change his course now. Next thing I know, the dog bails from his jacket, my dad is airborne and things are not looking good. Thankfully, the only thing my dad was going home with that day was a bruised ego and probably a sore body.. but SEE! That’s a great sledding story!
Also, winter = hockey season! (don’t even get me started on how great that is)
4. Experiencing 4 seasons is some really cool shit. Not everyone in the world gets to witness four very distinct changes throughout the year.. I mean, sun + more sun + more and more and more sun sounds pretty wonderful.. but how does anyone ever get anything done!? If it’s nice outside all day, everyday.. then which days do you look forward to? My favorite are the days that you see green grass again after the snow melts, or when the sun is shining in the sky without a cloud in sight for the first time in a month. What about when the leaves start to fall? There is something so special about that. The same thing goes for the first time you see snowflakes this season.. just remember, not everyone gets the pleasure of that.
I write about my mom a lot a lot a lot on these blog posts, but I guess this is just an outlet for me, a coping mechanism even.. at least I think so. Sorry if I ever come off as a real Debbie Downer.. no one likes having that kid around, but sometimes it just feels better to write things down. Anyway, lately I’ve been feeling all kinds of mixed up. Like someone took all of my thoughts, feelings and the kitchen sink, threw them in bucket and stirred it up until I didn’t know what was what anymore. I’m not sure if anyone else ever feels like this, but it’s just the strangest thing.
I’ll try to make better sense of this. After my mom passed away, finding meaning in things was really difficult for me. Nothing I did was ever going to bring her back and it brought this sense of emptiness about me. I was constantly searching for something, but I couldn’t even tell myself what it was. A constant struggle between my mind telling me, “hello dummy.. you know she isn’t coming back” but my stupid heart saying “find something else to make you feel better, there has to be SOMETHING” — but there’s not. At least not to me. I guess I’ve realized it isn’t about filling a void, but about just being the best me I can be. That’s all I can be.. Me. The other pieces will eventually find the right place.
There are so many things to just sort out, the journey I’m supposed to be on is very muddled to me. There are all of these expectations that float around in society about what I “should be” doing with my life.. but I often find myself not following the path of ordinary people. As much as I want to fit in and just be like another person, I’m beginning to see that’s pretty unrealistic. So what do I do? Where do I go? What should I be looking for? Sometimes it’s just so frustrating to ask these questions and not be able to see any sort of clear answer. No guidance, no recommendations or advice that exists.
I’m not exactly sure how long it’ll take me to get all of those different facets of my life out of that mixed bucket and put them back where they belong.. and maybe I never will, but that’s fine with me. I don’t know if anyone ever really “figures it out” .. so why do we try so hard to do so? All of this thinking, over thinking, messed up mix of a mess cluster is enough to make a person feel crazy.. but you know what? I know that each and every day that I reflect on myself and the way my actions affect others I will become a better person. I’m building myself bigger and stronger each and every day.. To quote Walter White: “I’m in the empire business.”
p.s. – I swear I’ll post something more funny and upbeat next time.. this just happens to be my thought of the week.