a rebel without a clue

Category Archives: Amusement

Holy cats everybody, it’s 2014! So I’m definitely not really into writing about resolutions and that kind of thing, because personally, I try to set goals for myself throughout the year and not just as the new year begins.. So I’ll skip that part and get right to the point! Over the holidays, I had lots and lots of time to see all kinds of new movies that are out. So instead of reviewing my year, I’ll give you my opinion on a few that I’ve seen lately.. and if you don’t care.. well, get out of here then! Anyway, I’ll start with the most recent and work my way backwards.

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First up, THE WOLF OF WALL STREET. Okay, so like most other women, I was in this purely to see Leonardo Di Caprio looking fine as wine. (which he totally did.. it’s like he doesn’t age!) But anyway. Upon walking into the theater, I was given a very grim sort of warning as the clerk selling me the ticket told me that many people have asked for a refund due to its sexual content as well as its vulgarity. So of course this made me want to see the movie even more! I’m not going to put any spoilers in this blog because that’s not really fair, especially if you read them unknowingly. I really didn’t know anything about this movie going in besides the title implies that he’s someone working on Wall Street and now I know there is lots of sex, or at least enough to offend some moms in New Berlin. Coming in just around 3:00 — this movie kept my attention the entire time. There was not one moment that I was getting restless or wanting it to be over. Was it crude, vulgar and have tons and tons of inappropriate things like drug use, hookers and sex? Yes. But so do lots of other movies. I would definitely say this is a MUST SEE for any movie lover (who’s an adult.. obviously. THERE ARE HOOKERS.)

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Next, AMERICAN HUSTLE. Alright, so this movie has been hyped up the past couple of months. I was pretty unsure about what to expect after seeing Bradley Cooper with a Jheri curl in the previews. But let’s be real, the second I saw Jennifer Lawrence was in it.. I was hooked. ::sigh:: GIRL CRUSH ::sigh:: So once again, I didn’t know too much, except that it is about a group of con men / women. I don’t know what’s up with movies going back to being over 2 hours long, but this one also was 2.5 hours.. which once again, was fine with me. It had a star-studded cast that surely didn’t disappoint. There were a few slow moments, but overall, this movie definitely has some Oscar contenders in it. It was a great balance of thrill, comedy and drama all rolled into one. See it.

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Like the child that I am, I also saw FROZEN. Okay, so before you judge me, the main character is voiced by Idina Menzel, who is my all-time favorite Broadway star / singer. She played Elphaba (the wicked witch of the west sort of character in Wicked) and basically rules at life. Plus, she was married to Taye mother freaking Diggs. So besides the fact that I seemed like a child predator going to see a Disney movie with my other 24 year-old friends, it was pretty dang cute. Yes, I just said dang cute like I am a 40 year-old mom from the south. (I wish I was from the south.. that would rule. I probably would’ve gotten away with saying darn tootin’) But yes. Maybe if you’re a childless adult and don’t want to seem creepy like I felt, wait for it to come out on DVD, but seriously, super cute.

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Lastly, I went to see THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY. Ben Stiller, despite his cheesy roles and over the top acting, is a pretty funny dude. He seems like one of those people you could just be friends with and joke with in real life. I realistically have no idea if he really is like that, but he sure seems like it. Anyway, this movie was directed by the man himself, Ben Stiller. I have to say. He did a great job reigning in his usually hyperbolic self. Sometimes that gets to be a little too much or it’s so ridiculous it’s funny, but in this particular film, it was balanced perfectly. Of course there were unrealistic scenes, I mean, it’s the movies.. all of this shit is unrealistic.. but it was definitely a feel good type of movie that would bring up anyone’s spirits.

All in all, the movies that are out right now are pretty freaking awesome, so if you are bored, or you get the chance.. go check one of this out. Or don’t. Whatever.


Living in Wisconsin this day comes each year and I’m always patiently waiting for it.. the first sight of snowflakes. Now I’m sure there’s a pretty even split between residents here that love the snow and those who dread this day. I’m part of the crazy half of that group that loves loves loves it .. probably almost too much. Look, I understand that there are plenty of reasons to dislike the snow (primarily that it’s really really cold outside and it causes people to drive like jackasses) but there are so many reasons to go cuckoo for the snow!

1. It is a great excuse for pretty much everything. Late for work? Blame the snow. Don’t feel like going somewhere? Say your car is stuck. Want to sleep in? Say the snowstorm knocked out your power.

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2. Being a great excuse it also provides for SNOW DAYS! Being an adult with one of those things called a job or whatever provides for many less snow days than when I was in school, however, if enough people can’t make it into the office or if you “don’t feel safe” you can always work from the comfort of your cozy bed! SCORE!

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3. Winter sports are pretty much the greatest thing ever. Who has ever gone sledding and not had a good time? Okay.. probably lots of people.. but it made for a good story right?! If you don’t have a good story, I’ll tell you one to cheer you up if you’re a snow hater.

One year, my dad decided he was going to try out snowboarding (hilarious in itself, right?) If you don’t know my dad personally, let me tell you, he’s not the smallest dude ever. As we stood at the top of the hill in Humboldt Park, he was ready to go, stuffed our little white poodle dog, Beau (RIP) in his jacket and set off down the hill. So this park has the best hills in the area for sledding, so kids like to build stuff like jumps to catch some air and more than likely break your back.. So I’m sure you can see where this is going.. My dad was headed straight for the jump and had no time to change his course now. Next thing I know, the dog bails from his jacket, my dad is airborne and things are not looking good. Thankfully, the only thing my dad was going home with that day was a bruised ego and probably a sore body.. but SEE! That’s a great sledding story!

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Also, winter = hockey season! (don’t even get me started on how great that is)

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4. Experiencing 4 seasons is some really cool shit. Not everyone in the world gets to witness four very distinct changes throughout the year.. I mean, sun + more sun + more and more and more sun sounds pretty wonderful.. but how does anyone ever get anything done!? If it’s nice outside all day, everyday.. then which days do you look forward to? My favorite are the days that you see green grass again after the snow melts, or when the sun is shining in the sky without a cloud in sight for the first time in a month. What about when the leaves start to fall? There is something so special about that. The same thing goes for the first time you see snowflakes this season.. just remember, not everyone gets the pleasure of that.

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You know how people say that something is their spirit animal.. today it hit me. My spirit animal is Kanye West. Insane? I know. But seriously. Today I was listening to The College Dropout (his best album to date.. in my opinion) and I realized all of the ways Yeezy rocks my world.

1. He speaks what’s on his mind.. even if it is EXTREMELY inappropriate timing. We all remember the “imma let you finish” infamous VMA moment where he stole the mic from Taylor Swift as she was about to accept the VMA for female video of the year.. but let’s get real.. HE WAS RIGHT. 2009 was the year that Beyonce put out one of the most iconic pop hits of all time: Single Ladies. Now, I’ve always loved me some T-Swift.. but c’mon, Bey is the ultra pop queen of this century. So even though he was totally bogus for interrupting someone else’s happy moment, he felt like he had to speak the truth.. so how could I fault a person for that?

2. He has the most clever lyrics pretty much ever. 50% of the reason I listen to rap music is because it’s funny.. but the other half is based on my sheer amazement that anyone is able to rhyme that much. Kanye has some of the best lines I’ve ever heard. For example:

“Haters give me them salty looks, Lawry’s” — The Good Life

“What you think I rap for? To push a fucking RAV-4?” — Run This Town

and my personal favorite…

“What she order? Fish Filet.” — People* in Paris (*I refuse to type the n-word) 

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3. He loves his mama. In 2007, his mom passed away unexpectedly after complications with surgery. He talks about her in a few of his songs, but a year later he preformed a song he wrote for her called “Hey Mama” .. in front of millions of viewers he laid his heart out on the line during a really vulnerable time. I still tear up when I watch the video.. stop judging me.

4. He has a Southpark episode dedicated to him. You know you’ve made it big.. or you’re a pretty big jackass (as quoted by President Barack Obama) to be featured on an episode of one of the most crude shows ever created. Normally, I’m not really a huge Southpark fan.. but anybody that created Book of Mormon has got to be cool in my book.

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5. He hyped his album release by projecting his video on the side of a building. I don’t really care if you love him or hate him.. that’s pretty fucking awesome. In 10 cities, on 66 buildings, he debuted the song “New Slaves” to promote his new album Yeezus. That’s some futuristic, over-the-top, totally outside of the box kind of thinking. Kudos, Ye.

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So in closing, Kanye can be a real jackass, but he is also a game changer who’s done a lot of cool things in his lifetime too and I think the good parts of him are totally spirit animal worthy.

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You know when people say “you always want what you don’t have”…? I’ve never truly believed that. I kind of always thought to myself.. nah, I’m pretty happy with everything I have. And then today I had a moment where I was like.. holy shit, “those” people who say that shit.. are right.. at least about my day today.

When you work in an office, everyone thinks.. cool, you always know your schedule, you’re in the comfort of the indoors and basically that you have lots of luxuries. While some of this may be true, the key thing that is missing is the fact that I never see the outdoors! I have no window in my office, so some days when I come to work, it’s quite possible that a full on hail tornado could rip down the block and I would never even see it coming. I know, woe is me.. you feel bad right? wrong. I’m not asking for pity by any means, but today on a super ultra rarer than rare occasion, I was able to leave the office to make a delivery.

Seriously, I was happier than a camel on hump day (if you haven’t seen that Geico commercial I’m referencing.. watch it immediately) Today also happened to be one of the most perfect of the summer. The sun was shining, there were clouds that looked so fluffy it was as if you could reach up and scoop them right out of the sky with your hands.. I couldn’t get enough of it. To make it EVEN better, I was driving north, toward the prettier part of Wisconsin (minus Slinger Speedway.. haha, sorry Slinger residents.. not a fan) moving on.. there were beautiful fields and flowers and green stuff.. and boy wouldn’t you think I was Snow White walking through some sort of enchanted forest! Immediately, I felt jealous of all of the people who get to be outside on a regular basis.. I’m sure if you’re one of those people, you’re scoffing at how naive I am right now.. but honestly, I think it would be great.. sometimes. There must be some sort of middle ground .. you know, like where you can be indoors when it’s raining and shit, but outdoors on days like today? Oh yeah that’s right.. it’s called being your own boss. Maybe I’ll know what that’s like.. in about 100 years from now.

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This past weekend I did some traveling for two of my good friends wedding. I’ve never been to a destination wedding, so despite the beautiful -20 degree temperature, I begrudgingly boarded the plane to Miami.. end destination Key West. Over the course of the 72 hours I was there, I learned many lessons.. so I thought I would share my wealth of knowledge with you all.. You’re welcome.

1. Moving walkways in airports are the best fucking invention.. EVER. Seriously. You feel important, like you’re really going places in life.. Here you are zipping around the airport like you have somewhere to be and people should be bowing down before you. Get out of my way! I’m in the fast lane! When realistically, you have to do like 90% less walking which is always a plus in my book but you’re just getting to the terminal faster to sit around and wait.

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2. O’Hare sucks except for their light up hallway. Don’t get me wrong, I like Chicago just fine. I’m just bitter that I had to walk like 8,000 miles in the airport because it was “too early” and the shuttles weren’t running to other concourses.. like what do I think this is? an airport that is open 24 hours a day.. my mistake. However, the light up walkway gives you the experience of a great LSD trip for a few minutes without even having to take one step (see above example).

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3. Why do people take up so many seats at the gate when there is obviously limited space?! Now this one REALLY drives me nuts. People being rude in general makes me mad, but why do you just stare at someone when they are walking around looking for a place to wait for the plane to show up as you’re taking up 10 seats with your iPad, Starbucks cup, fanny pack, magazines and every other stupid piece of crap you brought with you on the plane. I mean, you’re right.. don’t get too close to anyone.. God forbid you’d have to sit next to them. It’s not like you’re getting on an airplane in 10 minutes with negative personal boundaries and space anyway. Resolution: MOVE YOUR SHIT. BE POLITE. JEEZE.

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4. Key West is the Mecca of cats. I know there is a cat craze going on right now, so hopefully I’m not giving away some sort of unknown secret. So if you love cats, get there. Like yesterday.

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5. Falling asleep on the beach the day you get on a plane is not ideal. 2 hours in the morning sun of Miami = LOBSTER SKIN. SERIOUSLY.

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6. Singing Wheels on the Bus over the airplane speaker system is not something that just happens in the movies. This is no joke. A 2.5 hour flight with a screaming baby does weird things to people.. like force them to sing nursery rhymes over the PA forcing the whole plane to join in and start clapping when the baby stops crying. Seriously. I’m not even making this up.

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7. Rerouting flights can be a blessing and a curse. Direct flight in 20 minutes? Did I win the lottery?! Heck yes I’ll take it. Oh wait, I’m still in a bathing suit and sundress flying to Chicago in February. Oops. Too late now. That was one cold flight.

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It has been a long running joke with my friends and I, that I would do close to anything for a Big Mac. Don’t judge me, Big Macs are bomb as fuck. Still judging? I’m over it. Anyway, this conversation has come up a bunch of times over the past few months, and every single time it makes me laugh. It all started when I dropped an M&M on the floor of the office I was in. The office building I work in kind of looks like a scene from a zombie movie.. rooms full of paper boxes, computers strewn about, old phones and fax machines stacked up.. Actually, “stacked” would mean there was some sort of organization to them.. No joke, there is literally a room where there are chairs from the 70s and 80s randomly thrown into a room to the ceiling. It’s basically Hoarders: Office Edition. BACK TO THE POINT. Yikes, I get side-tracked easily. This little candy coated jewel slipped outta my hands and onto the berber carpet that most likely hasn’t ever been cleaned.. but how can you tell? It’s BERBER. Stupid. You would think instinct should tell me : NO! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING EAT THAT. But instead, I picked it up, shrugged my shoulders and popped it right into my mouth as horrified coworkers gaped at how disgusting I was. This started me into a spiral of “how much money would you _____ for? ” (that blank was literally things like eat candy off the ground.. not anything creepy — jeeze creepy mccreepers.. I know what you were thinking!) Then this really got me thinking about all of the places where I’ve dropped food and eaten it.. and grossly enough, there are SO MANY PLACES. Skittles at the movie theater, chips that fell on the floor, watermelon from the floor of a car.. Okay, that one was pretty gross.. but I still did it.  I’m going to go ahead and blame my sister for this.. It all started when she dared me to eat a french fry from underneath my dad’s car seat that had been there for.. oh man, who KNOWS how long. But like any little sister would, I definitely did it. So call me dirty mouth, but don’t worry, I’ll clean it up with some Orbitz.

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The clock is ticking and there are only a few more days left in 2012, so weird. Getting old really flies by when you work full time. Blah. Either way, I thought I would do a year in review and remind myself what I was up to in 2012, so I don’t make the same fool of myself in 2013.. Or at least come up with new ways to embarrass myself (which is wayyyy more likely)

JANUARY

I started out the year right, ICE FISHING. What a debacle. This actually turned into me taking pulls of whiskey on the ice and getting stuck in some snow in an Impala. But hey, a guy named Animal pulled us out so it was all good in the neighborhood.

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FEBRUARY

…probably nothing. Ate candy? Hibernation? I’ll go with: lived underneath my heated blanket and snoozed for the majority of the month.

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MARCH

I traveled yonder to the eastern seawall for the very first time and set my sights on Maine. We were there in the off-season, didn’t get to eat lobster, but somehow had tons of fun doing absolutely NOTHING. I think I made about 25 moves the whole time I was there. Oh, but throwing quarters at a band and trying to convince them to play the Law and Order theme song doesn’t work out very well.

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APRIL 

I bought my first cool-kid bike! YAYYY! My black stallion beauty has treated me well, and I can’t wait to get back to the peddling in the spring.

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MAY

You know your summer of drinking begins when you have to consult pictures to find out what you did in a particular month.. Apparently, I met a man named Grizzlor, had a ginormous crack lighter, traveled to Missouri (wait when did that happen?!) and went to Indiana with a group of some crazy cats. Sounds like a good time to me..

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JUNE – AUGUST

Libations. Cocktails. Rum. More rum. Concerts. That’s about all I remember.

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SEPTEMBER

The BEST of ALL the months. I’m a huge fan of my own birthday, but everything about September is my favorite. Baseball season getting interesting, football season starting, it’s the fall, it’s still warm out.. and AND MY BIRTHDAY! This year’s birthday was ESPECIALLY exciting, not only because we rented a party bus (which was awesome and I recommend everyone does at least once in their life) but I GOT MY PUPPY — the love of my life, little Zamboni man!

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OCTOBER – DECEMBER

Hanging out with my dog. Taking pictures of my dog. Dressing my dog up.  Which will probably be all I do next year too. Stay tuned.

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