It has been a long running joke with my friends and I, that I would do close to anything for a Big Mac. Don’t judge me, Big Macs are bomb as fuck. Still judging? I’m over it. Anyway, this conversation has come up a bunch of times over the past few months, and every single time it makes me laugh. It all started when I dropped an M&M on the floor of the office I was in. The office building I work in kind of looks like a scene from a zombie movie.. rooms full of paper boxes, computers strewn about, old phones and fax machines stacked up.. Actually, “stacked” would mean there was some sort of organization to them.. No joke, there is literally a room where there are chairs from the 70s and 80s randomly thrown into a room to the ceiling. It’s basically Hoarders: Office Edition. BACK TO THE POINT. Yikes, I get side-tracked easily. This little candy coated jewel slipped outta my hands and onto the berber carpet that most likely hasn’t ever been cleaned.. but how can you tell? It’s BERBER. Stupid. You would think instinct should tell me : NO! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING EAT THAT. But instead, I picked it up, shrugged my shoulders and popped it right into my mouth as horrified coworkers gaped at how disgusting I was. This started me into a spiral of “how much money would you _____ for? ” (that blank was literally things like eat candy off the ground.. not anything creepy — jeeze creepy mccreepers.. I know what you were thinking!) Then this really got me thinking about all of the places where I’ve dropped food and eaten it.. and grossly enough, there are SO MANY PLACES. Skittles at the movie theater, chips that fell on the floor, watermelon from the floor of a car.. Okay, that one was pretty gross.. but I still did it.  I’m going to go ahead and blame my sister for this.. It all started when she dared me to eat a french fry from underneath my dad’s car seat that had been there for.. oh man, who KNOWS how long. But like any little sister would, I definitely did it. So call me dirty mouth, but don’t worry, I’ll clean it up with some Orbitz.

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