Long time no writing. I don’t know what up with that, so don’t ask. And don’t question me writing “what up with that” — I’ve been watching a lot of Saturday Night Live lately and that happens to be a skit.. Whatever, now I’m that guy explaining my own joke. Moving on. Every year I write a blog post dedicated to my mom. Today it’s been 5 years exactly since she passed away. I like to reflect on my life and think about all of the things that have happened in the past 5 years, and I’d like to think she’d be pretty okay with the person I’ve become.
Sometimes I think that I’m losing touch with remembering details about her, like the way she talked or just her essence, but then something always seems to come up that jogs my memory and comforts me in a way that I can’t even explain. Stupid things like.. hearing Prince on the radio or the song Spill The Wine by War, EVERY time it makes me smile. I wish every single day that she was still here with me to give me more advice, just tell me what to do! Tell me where I’m going! HELP MOM! Nothing makes me more frustrated than when people get mad at their parents for the stupidest reasons. Obviously, this is easy for me to say because I have the introspect to tell people.. boy, you’re going to miss them and you’ll regret every moment you spent mad. And let me tell you, if I could do it all over again.. I would give anything.
It’s easy to think about all of the moments you wish you could take back, the occasions you were a straight up jerkface to your parents and want to kick yourself for wasting all of that time, but at the same time life is life. Being a teenager when my mom passed away, I have one too many regrettable moments, but without them, it wouldn’t make me the person I am today. By not being able to have the chance to change the past, it made me realize the type of person I want to be moving forward. I still have my moments, ALL THE TIME, but I really do try my best to spend time with the people I love, not become “too busy” or caught up in my own life to help others, simply just to make the effort to show others that I care. It’s really hard sometimes, especially when it’s so easy to be selfish.. but honestly, the payoff is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
I’ll always love my mom and miss her with my whole heart, but there’s nothing I can do to change that. I still have the best dad, family and friends in the world — so I’ll spend the time to make sure they know I love them too.