So in the true spirit of myself, I have no shame in going places alone. The movies, a restaurant, the mall (which I prefer).. but anyway, this weekend it was a concert. I wanted to support a cool cat who’s band was playing their last show, so I didn’t want to miss out. I wasn’t very familiar with the venue, but no big deal — throw on a mini-skirt and you’re ready for any concert.. WRONG. So I knew it was mostly a punk, metal type of show, which I’ve been to before, but for whatever reason I was totally unprepared for this experience.

First of all, the venue was the size of a handicap bathroom in the mall.. which as you can imagine creates for close quarters. Pssh, mingling with people? No big deal right? Boom, wrong again. I made the mistake of showering before I went there and immediately became an outsider. The guy standing directly in front of me was looking quite dapper in his cut-off jean jacket / jorts combo, and his eau du B.O., boy was I sold. By the time we got to the headbanging part I could barely keep myself from touching this hottie. Literally. He was hot, sweaty and I couldn’t move. Awesome.

In between bands, it was time to catch a break. Outdoor patios seem cool right? WHY AM I SO STUPID. Standing outside at least I met a couple new people and got offered drugs. I mean, normally I love taking things strangers give me, but with this recent zombie-eat-your-face-off-bath-salts thing going on.. I wasn’t so keen on the offer and politely declined. If you’ve ever seen the episode of It’s Always Sunny where Frank and Charlie do acid and get stuck in a mobile home’s bathroom / garbage can.. I feel like a situation like that would have occurred.

Knowing nothing about metal really, I didn’t realize the styles could be so drastically different. The first band was.. uhhhh, demonic? I don’t even know how to describe it. Seriously. All that I know is I should have brought ear plugs (I’m still having a hard time hearing). According to their site they play “emotive” music but I’m not sure what they are trying to evoke.. intense feeling of… fear? Well, I don’t know.. the next metal band was classified as “Doom Metal”. Now, what that means.. I have no idea. According to the trusty source of Wikipedia.. it means: Doom metal is an extreme form of heavy metal music that typically uses slower tempos, low-tuned guitars and a much ‘thicker’ or ‘heavier’ sound than other metal genres. Both the music and the lyrics intend to evoke a sense of despair, dread, and impending doom. WTF. That is so scary! I’m a horror movie junkie, so I guess it would fit well with that, but jeeze.. who is in the business of creating music that makes people feel dread and despair?!

Overall, the music wasn’t bad and my friend’s band rocked it.. but some lessons I learned were:

1. Thigh high fishnets are totally appropriate to wear to a metal concert. 

2. Don’t bother showering for at least a week before attending. 


4. Black on black on black clothing. Or jorts. 

5. Get dreadlocks you can whip people in the face with when you are headbanging.

(or get fake one’s like Adam Duritz from the Counting Crows)