I came to the revelation yesterday that every single time I’m doing something embarrassing, I see someone I know. A few weeks (months, whatever.. who’s counting?) ago I had just rolled out of bed, looking like a million bucks (obviously) and decided I needed to go grocery shopping. I pulled on my oversized Farm & Fleet winter boots and a ratty sweatshirt from high school, pulled the hood over my face and off I went. As I’m perusing some tangerines and hating my life for being so hungover, of course I hear someone say my name. And not like, oh hey Nickie! NICOLE. My FORMAL NAME.. It has to either be A) My dad yelling at me for something, which is unlikely in Piggly Wiggly on a Saturday morning. Well, that’s not true either.. but anyway, it wasn’t him. Which leaves B) Someone from school or work, considering I’m too lazy to tell them that my name is Nickie and I hate the name Nicole. So, I turn around to see my favorite college professor.. Great. Of course, I hadn’t seen her for 2 years, so she wants to have a long-winded conversation, when all I can think about is how ridiculous I look right now. Oh yeah! I got a job.. as a hobo under that bridge by your house!
Since that day, I’ve been thinking about all of the times I’ve been caught red-handed in awkward situations. There have been so many, I can’t even count them! How RIDICULOUS! Now that you read this, you are going to know what I mean. Girls (sorry boys that you have to read this) but inevitably, the next time you have to buy Tampons, something is going to go awry. I swear. And I’m sorry in advance. You’ll definitely see someone you know, or a hot guy – or a combination of both. Sorry again. BUT, instead of feeling embarrassed, I’ve decided to embrace these situations and make a joke out of them, turning the tables on the person who is unknowingly making you feel like the creeper of the year.
Perfect example. I went to the Brewer game on Monday – $1.00 hot dogs? I’m so there. Obviously, I’m going to take advantage of all the toppings I can get my hands on.. I mean this hot dog DID cost me $1.00 which could have been used for numerous other things. Which, if you think a dollar is useless, you’ve obviously never been to the Hood Store in Indiana.. but that’s a whole other story. As I begin to max out on this delicious, 4-quarter mystery dog, an old security guy walks up to mug the fuck out of us. Of course. So instead of looking away, or pretending like I’m just casually hanging out, doing nothing suspicious AT ALL.. I look him straight in the eyes and take the most ridiculous, giant bite of my hot dog, getting ketchup and sauerkraut all over my chipmunk cheeks, until he was probably so grossed out he walked away. Ha – I showed you. Life is about the small victories, ya know. For the record, you can judge this post.. I know I already have.