So I’ve been neglecting my blog lately.. I know you were dying for updates. Riiiiight?  Anyway, the reason for my irresponsible ways stems from the fact that I’ve been traveling a whole bunch-ton lately (I know that’s not a word.. get over it, use it, love it) In my travels I’ve learned so many things. Since I’m so fond of making lists with ridiculous pictures, I might as well follow suit here and let you know all of the things I’ve learned!

1. The Sushi Station in Elgin is ahhhmazing. Not only was the food great, but the presentation made it one billion (at least) times cooler. You sit down at a bar and there is literally a conveyor belt of sushi passing by you with a short description of what is on each plate.. I feel that all restaurants should be more entertaining like this.

2. Bars in Illinois really don’t like to let people in from Wisconsin. The claim it was because the IDs were vertical, but I’m calling shenanigans on that. Most importantly, we all had second forms of ID, but that still wasn’t good enough.. I’m brewing a conspiracy theory here. It’s not like the ID looked like this:

3. LaGuardia is the suck suck suckiest airport ever. If you didn’t quite understand what I meant, IT SUCKED. I hate when you get trapped in a terminal with shitty food. It’s already bad enough that you have to sit around in uncomfortable chairs with creepers breathing down your neck and then on top of it, they can’t even provide food that even looks appetizing. The place we ended up definitely spent more time coming up with their name than they did microwaving the pieces of poop they were serving. I would have rather eaten something I found on the bottom of my shoe.. and that’s pretty gross.

(yes that is seriously the name) 

4. I have horrible planning skills and missed the Bar Harbor lobster season by like 3 weeks. EPIC FAIL. Although, I did get to eat some awesome clam chowder at a place called the Thirsty Whale and got to see an awesome band named Clutterfunk.. Wait, Clusterfunk? Clutterfuck? (It was something along those lines..) Oh and I got to eat some ice cream! (Sorry Voldemort isn’t keen on me taking pictures of him (he’s not very photogenic) .. So he forced me to shield his identity) 

5. Meredith Brooks has songs other than “Bitch”. Whaaaat? I know, I just blew your mind. While I was in Maine there was lots and lots of Alanis Morisette tributes going on which inevitably led to listening to Meredith Brooks on Spotify.(Which is awesome, so if you don’t have it.. Go forth and get it IMMEDIATELY, it will change your life. Not as much as buying an iPhone, but I mean.. it will be a really significant change)  After the song ended it was a mad dash to turn off these other “songs” she supposedly has. Pssh, sorry Mere.. I only want to know you as a bitch/lover, child/mother, sinner/saint.. I do not feel ashamed (that I hate all of your other music)..

6. Everyone in Maine drives a Subaru at the speed of a snail that’s smoked 20 joints. Now, I can’t really verify this one as fact.. because I don’t know if snails can get high and also because I’m not sure if we were driving extremely fast or if everyone else was ridiculously slow. Seeing nature in hyperspeed sure was entertaining though.

7. Meeting strangers in bars is always entertaining. Here’s to you Mr. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sweater.. you were very odd but trying so hard. Mad props. Thank you for giving me the link to your Tumblr where you post your poetry about waitresses. It will serve me hours of entertainment I’m sure.

I’ve got some more travel coming up on the horizon, so I will try to be better at documenting all of the strange things I experience. Time to gear up for paparazzi mode.