So lately I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.. probably too much if you ask me, but you didn’t.. so I shall continue on. I was deep in thought about my goals and ambitions and then I totally realized something frustrating as all get out about myself. If I can’t envision myself doing something, then I get super doubty and just convince myself it will never happen. I am the queen at rationalizing decisions I make, which can be good (at times) because I know I have a logical system and process, but it really isn’t good when I talk myself out of doing things that I really should do.
To be honest, I don’t know how someone gets over something like that.. The cliché response is obviously: Conquer your fears! Just jump right in! Follow your dreams! You can do anything you set out to do! You’re awesome! (Okay, I just threw that one in there for laughs..) but you get the picture. When people say things like that my instinct is to immediately halt and say, BUT WAIT.. those things aren’t always realistic.. or are they? Sure anyone can just pick up and start something new.. like going to school for something completely different from what you’ve been doing your whole life.. but to me, I would rather incorporate the things I already know and grow from there instead of starting all over again.
New beginnings can be cool I suppose, but I just have a really hard time letting go of the past. So I’m not really into New Year’s Resolutions.. mostly because I have a determination to do what I want to whenever want to and don’t need to put a label on that.. so from now on, maybe I’ll try not to rationalize myself out of doing things.. OR I could become delusional and start rationalizing to myself why I should do those things so that I’m tricking myself into thinking I’m actually using logic.. yeah I like that idea.. (haha) Who knows, maybe I’ll be writing a blog about how I’m an archaeologist in 10 years.. but let’s be honest, it is probably more likely that I’ll go crazy and actually think I’m a dinosaur.