So with Halloween just a few days away, I’ve been reading bizillions (yeah it’s a real number, get off my back.. it comes right after a gagillion, duh!) of blogs about Halloween and everything gory and gutsy that goes with it. So after looking at pages and pages of awesome costumes, I decided — what the heck? I’m just going to be the coolest of all things horror: A ZOMBIE!

If you’ve read my previous post about how much I adore these back from the dead, grosser than ever, I’m going to eat your brains creatures, I cannot wait to portray one myself. Plus, if the zombie apocalypse comes, which clearly is a possibility considering Halloween is the most common day for people to come back from the dead (according to science and many years of research, obviously) I will be prepared and fit right in! Except if I actually had to eat brains to prove that I was indeed a flesh-eating monster, that might be a problem — but I guess I could stomach it.. All I would think about is that kid who ate brains in the movie Hannibal and try to convince myself that Anthony Hopkins would appear at any moment to save me.

More proof that I think the apocalypse could happen to me, I live in Milwaukee! Now I know this sounds absurd, but if you follow zombie movies, Dawn of the Dead was supposedly based in my hometown. Now everyone knows that it wasn’t actually filmed at the mall here, and if you didn’t know that, you do now! But anyway, now I bet the zombies are more pissed that people are making up lies so they are going to all gather here for a REAL zombie apocalypse!

Now, I know what you’re thinking.. What the eff is wrong with her? And the answer is, too many things to post on this blog. Haha, but anyway, I’m just trying to prepare everyone for the inevitable so that I can say I TOLD YOU SO when it actually happens! Because if there is anything you should know about me, it is that I love to be right and then rub it into people’s faces when I am.. (just kidding.. kind of)

So in closing, I’m going to give you some advice in case of an all-out Zombie war:

1. When in zombieville, do as zombies do.  Clearly I know this isn’t the saying, but it sure will be when someone with half of a face is approaching you looking to eat your face off.. Don’t run! Join forces with them and attack someone else — they will immediate think you have already been bitten.

2.  Don’t dress up as a zombie and scare someone who has weapons, that probably won’t end well. If you haven’t seen Zombieland – Do so immediately, then you’ll get it.

3. If you can’t beat them, join them. If being a pretend zombie just isn’t cutting it, well you might as well just let one bite you.. what’s the worst that can happen? You’ll probably look awesome and you can scare everyone you know then.

In closing, here is a funny sort-of  zombie video for everyone to enjoy — Oh! and HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!

 

Advertisements