So as I was a passenger through the treacherous construction that always plagues Milwaukee, I was staring out the window at all of the beautiful scenery which included rocks from all of the torn down freeways and hideous brown grass, when all of the sudden all I could see what a sea of brake lights. My friend slowed down, but then I realized that everyone was stopping because there was one of those speed-readers that flashes red when you’re going over the speed limit. Now normally, I’m a pretty upstanding citizen.. you know following the rules and such (mostly).. well okay, maybe not.. but at least I haven’t killed anyone or anything major.

Anyway, I realized that when I drive past those stupid speed traps that instead of slowing down, I more than definitely step on the gas to see how fast I can fly by. I always wondered to myself how high up the number goes before that dumb machine turns into a transformer and shoots your tires out for going mind-blowingly fast. Apparently their tactic is working because people were slamming on their brakes left and right.. except hey people, logic would tell you that if they are placing that thing right before  a strip of roadway which has no shoulder on each side.. WHERE WOULD THE POLICE BE SITTING? Umm they wouldn’t fit anywhere. Are you telling me you think they are going to leap off of some bridge on top of your car like this is mission impossible or something? No. There are more important things for the police to be dealing with, like stabbings and other heinous crimes.

So use your brains and SPEED people! Yes I am openly admitting I love to break traffic laws and put the pedal to the metal. It might have something to do with my unruly temper, or maybe I was just inspired by Joe Walsh’s “Life’s Been Good” where he says his Maserati does 185. I feel like driving on the autobahn is the only time people think they can speed. To be honest, I think there is something about the rush of possibly getting caught that is the most exhilarating part. Now don’t get me wrong I’m always careful and wear my seatbelt, but what’s wrong with getting someplace just a little bit faster? Oh and lastly, to the police, you aren’t tricking me just because when I fly by those speed-readers you flash blue and red lights.. I caught on. (It’s ineffective after you drive past one time) So if you see me on the road, either step on it or get out of my way.